There are some things you don’t expect to observe during the course of your life.  Things like, oh, I don’t know.  Your four-year-old son sitting on your ten-year-old daughters head and declaring, “Smell my butt!”

But you can expect to laugh when your daughter looks at you with big, brown eyes full of misery and pleads with you to help.  You can expect to laugh very, very hard.

Me:  Did you wet the bed last night?

Goop:  Yeah.

Me:  I think we might need to go back to pull-ups at night, bud.

Goop:  Yeah.  You’re gonna buy me some new socks?

I’m still alive. It’s just all this time at home is leaving me a little shy in the sanity department. Who would have thought getting a bowl of cereal could turn into a production?

Goop: I want some!

Me: Ok, get a bowl.

Goop: This bowl?

Me: Yes, that bowl. Bring it to me.

Goop: Bring it to you?

Me: Yes, Goop.

Goop: Are you putting milk in it?

Me: Yes.

Goop: That milk?

Me: Yes. Go sit at the table.

Goop: Sit at the table?

Me: Yes, Goop.

Goop: This table?

Me: YES THAT TABLE!

Things I have done this past week:

1. Watched way too much daytime TV. 
2. Started experimental cooking, because of watching way too much Food Network.
3. Not looked for a job.
4. Gobbled on fattening baby thighs.
5. Slept surprisingly little.

In other news, my mother-in-law took the kids out for haircuts the other day, and Goop came home with his head buzzed.  He hates it, the husband hates it, and me?  I love it.

Hubs:  How many holidays have candy involved?

Me:  Well, let’s see.  Easter, Halloween, Christmas?  Yeah, Christmas has candy canes.  And stockings stuffed with crap.

Hubs:  Valentines Day!

Me:  Yeah, that too.

Hubs:  And New Year’s Eve.

Me:  Huh?

Hubs:  After you turn 21, Jell-O shots are involved.

I got laid off today.  I suppose I could be freaking out over it, but instead, I’m choosing to stay positive.  It helps that my husband is keeping a sense of humor about the whole situation.  In fact, he even emailed me a job offer.

Job Offer
Friday, April 10, 2009 9:40 PM
From: The Hubs
To: The Wife

Dear Wife,

New and improved jobs! Work from home and be a household sex kitten! With three easy payments of 19.95, you can learn all the tricks and moves to turn your favorite hobby into a full-time job!

The Employment Center

Regional Manager

Your Husband

How could I not love that man?

1. Good news from doctors
2. My body doesn’t completely hate me
3. It’s even been cooperating on some issues
4. My favorite pair of jeans is too big
5. I’m finally getting the energy to make everything else too big

1. Biscuits and gravy
2. I got a big smile this morning, instead of getting peed on.
3. I only have to work four hours, which is good, even if the reason for it sucks.
4. Ladybug infestations
5. Coconut scented kid shampoo

Not only did I miss the weekend, I completely forgot about Friday, too.

You know that whole thing about taking a month of Sundays in order to get something done? I think they totally had me in mind when they came up with that expression. Even though I’m pretty sure I wasn’t born yet.

I’m just that awesome.

Grace in Small Things: Part 7 of 365

1. Kids soccer games
2. The Boomtown Rats
3. Tangerines
4. Speed Racer
5. Playing Rummy with my husband

It was time to make a purge of The Girl’s clothes.  Get rid of the flood pants and the shirts that are starting to look like crop-tops, but really aren’t crop-tops, because, goddamnit, my nine-year-old does not need to look like a prostitute in training, even if the clothing industry seems to think she does.

I’m not a nosey mom.  I don’t go snooping through my daughter’s stuff, or sneak peeks at her diary.  The fact of the matter is, I’ve never really needed to be nosey.  She likes to show me her diary enteries.  That’s because they consist of the following phrases, written over and over and over, “I love my mom and dad so so so so so so so so so so much!”

So when I came across a tiny little flower-shaped notepad buried under her clothes, I thought nothing of casually flipping through the pages.  And they mostly consisted of what I expected to see, tiny drawings and declarations of love for her family.  But then, oh god, then… I found a declaration that I wasn’t expecting.  At least not for another couple of years.

“He is SO cute!  I want to kiss him!”

And I died a little.  Right there in the middle of my daughter’s room.